this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
