words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
