okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
