I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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