It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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