eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
