Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
