I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
