I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
