i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
