Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
