my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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