I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Crop dusting thru forever 21
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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