Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
