Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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