Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
