And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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