WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
operation harelip BJ is a go
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
