Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
