Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
this boner is exhausting
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
