I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
