It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
