I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
