Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
