What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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