You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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