Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
