hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
