You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The best revenge is premature balding
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
