I cockslap morals
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
