dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You have to summon your inner elephant
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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