i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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