She announced her abortion via fbk
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
