Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
