Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
