i need an iv and a liver transplant
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
