I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
