i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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