tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
