they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
