I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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