While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
