whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
