we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
