i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
