i would punch a child for taco bell
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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