If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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