I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
