Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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