I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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