I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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