I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
True strength comes from lack of pants
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
