oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
