rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
