three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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